Riding the Dragon

Well, this week’s post was going to be called The Story, which is a continuation of the Interconnectedness post from last week. However, I’ve decided to put that off for a week so that I can get this out of the way. Otherwise, it just may eat my insides away. Not like a child’s anticipation of Christmas, but more like anticipation of Krampus. (Just being a bit dramatic, but I do want this over and done with.)

So, if you know me or know my blog entries, you know I write music and that music often has lyrics. There is a song attached to this post as well, but this will be a bit different. And yet I don’t want that difference to overshadow the meaning of the lyrics, so I will be starting there.

This song really is about one aspect of my life to date. It’s called Welcome to Yourself. It consists of two versus and a chorus that alters slightly the second time. The first verse describes what I recall of myself as a young man. I had a sense of certainty regarding my knowledge of what was right and wrong with the world. Entering adulthood, I wasn’t as shy as I was as a kid and was more outspoken. I would do things MY way. I had passionate feelings on many subjects. What those subjects were is not relevant here, however. What is important is that as the first verse moves into the first chorus we find the fires of passion over what is right and wrong burning themselves out. Fear of what could go wrong takes over and safety is sought (“chasing down dreams in a world where you don’t belong” and asking to get “off of the wild spinning carnival ride of desire.”) From about 30-50 that is where my life was. I gave up on many things I cared about, instead pursuing comfort.

Things changed for me after the death of my partner. I began to see life differently and my interest in what I believe to be important was reawakened. However, this time around I had more life experience behind me. I did not see things in stark black and white as I had at an earlier age.

It can be summed up with quotes from two famous teachers: Jesus and Gandhi. The biblical quote comes from Matthew 7:4 and says, “Why do you notice the speck in your brother’s eye, but fail to notice the beam in your own eye.” Mahatma Gandhi’s quote comes from a slightly different angle: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” I see the latter quoted a lot, but I don’t see it followed as much. And that’s not surprising because it is harder than it sounds.

So in the second verse, the interconnectedness mentioned in the last post and compassion are better realized and the verse includes: “and the flames ignite. You see you are the light.” And the second chorus changes from “Come back to yourself” to “Welcome to yourself.” Now keep in mind that songs most often can only be a shorthand description of something. I am by no means implying that “I HAVE ARRIVED” and am a master of this. I know I’m far from it, so please don’t hold me to that standard! I only feel that I’ve found a better path now, attempting to (but not always succeeding at) seeing the beam in my own eye and trying to be the change I want to see in the world.

Now, to why the attached song is different. I’ve been so fortunate in knowing Rona Yellow Robe and Bruce Witham and having had them bring some of what I’ve written to life. But I can’t expect them to work on everything I come up with. And so, with many songs, I started recording the instrumentation and printing words on screen, hoping people would be able to match it all up. (I’ve discovered that is frrequently not the case.)

On a number of occasions, I considered singing the lyrics myself. The problem is I’m not a singer. I was roped into choir in school, but there I could blend…I would always choke when it came to anything solo. So I did not see this as a good option. But a concern over my own growth as a person was gnawing at me. I had heard multiple references over time to “riding the dragon.” This is a metaphor for overcoming fears by facing them…by experiencing them.

And, a couple of years ago, having to do a (rather lame) leadership retreat for work that involved a ropes course, I saw a sign on the course that said this: “’My name is Fear,’ said the dragon. ‘If you run away from me without listening to what I have to say, you might end up avoiding something that is important to you.’” That sign has been my Facebook cover photo for some time now.

One thing I realized from all of the above is that, although I think the world takes itself too seriously, I do the same. I am afraid to embarrass myself. And I have put that egoic fear above communicating what I have to say. In this I risk, as my songs puts it, the flame dying down. So now I’ve done it. I can’t say I love the resulting recording or that I’m not embarrassed to put it out to be heard, but I do love knowing that I’m communicating that which I need to and that I faced the dragon.

This was not easy. I practiced A LOT and got some very key help from Pamela Mortensen (THANK YOU PAM). Nonetheless, I am not a natural born singer. And in putting this out am hoping to communicate three things: 1. The meaning of the song, which boils down to Gandhi’s quote of being the change; 2. Being the change can put you in uncomfortable situations, but the change is still needed; 3. Overcoming (or at least suffering through) the discomfort that arose from being the change will add to your personal growth as well.

So, such as it is, please take a listen to “Welcome to Yourself” and if you feel so inclined, comment on what dragons you have faced or plan to face. I’d love to know! Also, if you like to sing and would ever like to play around with any of my songs, let me know and we can, perhaps, slay the dragon together.